Wayne and Dave Take a Trip to Paris

Ok, we know it probably wasn’t really Dave Pearson’s fault, but everyone (in France anyway) is blaming him, so we just couldn’t resist it…

After last week’s successful trip to Dublin, Wayne and Blind Dave go to Paris for the weekend. They wrap up warm because of the cold. Just before they go out for the night, Dave gets cold feet and calls Wayne outside.

Wayne: What is it Dave?
Dave: Its cold. Too cold to go out. Stayin’ in.
Wayne: Are you sure? Why? – you went outside an hour and a half ago and said it was fine.
Dave: Yeah I know
Wayne: And all these people have come to see you – you don’t want to let them down after last week do you?
Dave: No
Wayne: And remember you said how irresponsible stewarding and short notice to paying punters was a factor in the riots that followed the Metallica concert in Utar Pradesh in November? You said you’d never let that happen on your watch.
Dave: Yeah I know.

Wayne: So we’ll go out then – you’ve wrapped up warm, and that nice Ryan chap is lighting a fire for you over there
Dave: No. Postponed

*Wayne walks away and tells the players*

Dave: Kick-off!

Oh Blind Dave!!

Should have gone to Specsavers

It’s Sunday in Little Britain and Wayne is bringing his friend Blind Dave on a trip to Dublin. Suddenly there’s an incident and Blind Dave puts his flag up.

Wayne: What is it Dave?
Dave: Dangerous tackle. 4 red.
Wayne: Dangerous tackle. Are you sure? What happened? What’s your recommendation?
Dave: Picked him up, turned him over, drove him into the ground. Yellow card.
Wayne: Yellow card? Are you sure?
Dave: Yeah.
Wayne: Definitely a yellow. That sounds like a tip tackle Dave and I know you don’t like that.
Dave: Yeah I know.
Wayne: But you said that tackles above the line of the shoulders have the potential to cause serious injury and that you’d noted that a worrying trend had emerged whereby players responsible for such tackles were not being suitably sanctioned.
Dave: Yeah I know.
Wayne: So you’re sure its a yellow.
Dave: Yeah.
*Wayne walks away*
Wayne: Captain! And four. Dangerous tackle – yellow card.

Dave: Tip tackle. Red card.

Oh dear. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so close to the truth.