Mystic Magnus (Lund)

It’s that time of year again, where we stoke outrage in order to try and get our hits up, in order to try and hawk ourselves to the nearest advertiser willing to pay us in magic beans to tout the Simply Awesome Power of said beans. We’re bloody excited, so we’ve decided to return to traditional WoC values of irreverence. Watch us make a hash of our tournament predictions:

  • The entire nation will take to the streets in #OUTRAGE when Conor Murray gets brushed by a bruising Scottish forward. How dare anyone purport to so much as look at our key players!
  • Ian Madigan will kick 4/4 in a 15-9 eyesore against Castres and start another round of Pointless with Gavin Cummiskey on Newstalk
  • Rob Kearney will catch a misplaced kick in the 22, welt it back into orbit, and be pronounced as complete justification for Schmidt’s non-selection of Keith Earls
  • The backrow selection will cause #OUTRAGE because <provincial bias>
  • Ireland will win 4 games
  • Eddie Jones will say something provocative about Jonny Sexton to distract attention from England losing in Cardiff
  • A Scottish replacement will be introduced with his team 2 points up with 6 minutes to go, and collapse a maul 4 minutes later resulting in another defeat snatched from the jaws of victory
  • A high tackle will be dealt with according to the laws of the game, prompting much harrumphing about “the game gone soft” from those who retired before 2010.  The phrase “letter of the law” will be used by pundits
  • A French forward will offload the ball to no-one in particular, and the opposition will go the length of the field and score
  • The French front row will top 400kg at some point in a game – and one of them will miss a tackle resulting in a try
  • “You never know which French team will show up”
  • Wales will beat Ireland
  • George Clancy will referee an awful game with a large number of scrums and mystifying penalties
  • Nigel Owens will referee a fantastic game with lots of penalties awarded to the home side, with several quips that will make Twitter weak at the knees
  • The quality of the rugby will be decried until the Ireland-England game when both teams cut loose to try and win a bonus point
  • It will rain a lot, particularly at Murrayfield
  • “Conor O’Shea’s Italy”
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13 Comments

  1. SportingBench

     /  February 2, 2017

    You’re forgetting the perennial, Ireland will somehow manage make France look better than they are

  2. What’s the Over/Under on “Gerry Thornley Francophonics” in the 14-day and 35-article build-up to Ireland’s first home game?

    • ruckinhell

       /  February 2, 2017

      Assuredly, this week plain and correctly utilised English will be “hors de combat”

    • – Bete Noire
      – Eminence Grise
      – Grand Chelem
      – Amuse Bouche
      – Coup de Pied
      etc etc

      He doesn’t actually speak French y’know

      • ORiordan

         /  February 2, 2017

        Don’t forget:
        esprit de corps
        top quatorze
        les blues
        “sound of the church bells” That expression is a bit too obscure in French, even for Jezza.

      • Jimble

         /  February 6, 2017

        He made very liberal use of “espoirs” in the build-up to the Racing vs Munster match, in his IT column and on the radio whenever the chance arose. Twice in one episode of Second Captains, then again on the next episode!

    • JacksonP

       /  February 2, 2017

      Also: Cummiskey to give Rory Best a minimum 8/10 in each round’s player-by-player ratings based solely on the fact that “his masterful communications with (Ref X) were a pure joy to behold”.

      • Bushmills

         /  February 2, 2017

        We can be thankful that the Six Nations, for two precious months, allows Mr Cummiskey to acknowledge any rugby contribution north of Co Louth.

  3. D6W

     /  February 2, 2017

    And could add the new “and doesn’t he remind you of a certain number 13” from commentators every time Ringrose makes a line break.

  4. RTÉ to devote 15 hours a day to each game with a reference to ‘in association with Ulster Bank’ at least once every five minutes. The IRFU will come crawling back when the sponsors realise all the fringe benefits that TV3 can’t provide!

  5. “Bolter” or “on the plane” to be uttered at least once per game, most likely during a scrum reset or lengthy stoppage.

  6. Hairy Naomh Mhuire

     /  February 2, 2017

    Ryle Nugent & Co. will use the term ‘Brexit’ 14 times on March 18th.

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